The Wonders of Fast Food

If this were a video blog, I'd open this segment with a scene from Good Burger. What a classic!

Anyway, Kenan and Kel aside, I have some stories to tell and some questions to ask:

After half a year of looking for a job, my friend Joe finally got me a job where he works... Burger King. I've only been working there about five weeks now, but boy do you really see the idiots in that line of work. I mean, there must not be any truly intelligent people who actually eat fast food. That would make sense though... I mean, hasn't everyone seen Super Size Me?

Here's a good one. So, I'm usually working the drive-thru (I hate the "thru" rather than "through"...) and if you all can't figure out the simplest, most obvious way of people taking orders at drive-thrus, it's by we who are working wearing what we call at BK a "headset." This headset is similar to those online gamers wear. There's one headphone piece (you choose which ear to wear it on) and a flexible microphone that stems from the earpiece to somewhere near the mouth. The actual headset itself is attached to a battery powered communicator bit attached at the hip by either a clip or a belt-like strap. There are two buttons: A is to speak to the drivers outside at the speaker and B is to speak to other people wearing headsets.
So, as I was saying, I was working the drive-thru at night. It was a stormy night (which may or may not have anything to do with it) and a woman pulls up and my earpiece goes *ding!*
Now, I know the speaker can't possibly be awesome, and maybe the wind and rain makes it that much harder to hear, but after attempting to order for only two people over the span of about six minutes, that woman says to me: "I can't hear you; are you on a cellphone?"
Really? Really?!
Even my senior aged manager goes, "A cellphone? Seriously?"
I just made her pull up and took the order face-to-face. But seriously, how the hell would I use a frickin' cellphone to take your order? Do you think every time someone pulls up to that speaker my cellphone rings and I answer it inside? Really?

Now, what about the people who know exactly what they want, yet can't order it for their life? Simulation:
"Welcome to Burger King, would you like to try a value meal?"
"Uh, yeah, I'd like a small fry and small coke."
That's not what a value meal is... I knew that before I started working there. Why? Because that's explained on the menu which you're right in front of.

Here's another:
"Welcome to BK, would you like to try a value meal?"
"Uh, no thanks, I'd just like a #5 please." (Is the #5 value meal not a value meal?)
"Ok, would you like that small, medium, or large?"
"Uhhhhhhhh... what does that mean?" (What do you think that means? Have you never been asked this question before? Haven't I seen you at this very restaurant before? How is this a hard question?!)
"Would you like the fries and drink to be small, medium, or large?"
"Oh, uh, small."
"And what would you like to drink?"
"Uhhhh... I don't know..." (That's stupid. You came to order food that comes with a drink without knowing what you'd like? And I'm glad everyone looks at the options before they order: for future reference, BK does NOT have root beer!)
"And I'd like to order a chicken nugget Happy Meal" (Well, if you were at McDonald's you could...)
"4 or 6 piece?"
"Uh... 4 I guess?"
"What would you like to drink with that?"
"Uh... chocolate milk."
"Ok. Is that for a boy or a girl?"
"Uhhhh..." (Do you seriously have to think about what gender your child is?!)

I know what you're thinking, "Richard, sometimes the kid's meals are for adults and they don't want a toy." Well, every time that's been the case, they answer right away that it doesn't matter. Maybe you think like my sister and say, "Well, sometimes girls don't want the girls' toy, etc." Well, if that's the case, that's usually a regular thing and you should know that about your own kid by now, right?

Here's another story. A man comes to the front counter and orders a "plain double cheeseburger." Those were his exact words. So, that's what I put in the computer as his order. He gets it, sits down, takes a bite, and comes back up. "This isn't what I ordered." "What did you order?" "A plain double cheeseburger." I open the burger and check it, it is, in fact, a plain double cheeseburger. I say so to him (my temporary manager's right there with me, by the way). He says, "No it's not, it has cheese on it." My manager says, "So you wanted a double cheeseburger without cheese on it?" "Yes." "So you wanted a double hamburger?"
The guy was embarrassed when he realized it, and rightfully so. I know it's not a BK thing or a fastfood thing... I mean, I've never met anyone else who mistook a cheeseburger for a hamburger. Their names do clarify the difference to one who thinks logically after all.

Or the time we ran out of honey mustard and the stoners who ordered Rodeo Cheeseburgers asked for it (I cannot think of why) and then refused to believe me when I said we had none and offered me weed at the drive-thru window for a single thing of honey mustard. Only when I refused that did they think I was telling the truth. Because everyone must want weed and hold honey mustard hostage for it...

I'm sure there were other stories I wanted to tell and other questions I wanted to ask, but I'm watching Mythbusters and their first new episode in weeks is about to air, so I'm fairly distracted. Just enjoy the stupidity of others and be glad you don't have to deal with it daily.
With something to think about, I'm Richard. Have a great day... or not...