The Brave Captain's Last Words

The men marched for days and days,

But they never met the enemy

And morale began to drop.

But their Captain was a man of ways,

And it was just because of he

That the men, they would not stop.

And as the sun rose into the sky,

The day growing ever warmer,

The men halted, took a break.

Over the hill there came on high

A yelling like a growing storm.

Now the fight for which the men ached.

The Captain rose and gave his orders,

The men got into formation.

The drums of war began to play

As the men lined up on the borders.

Their want for a new nation,

It all began on this day.

And the Captain said:

Keep your arms straight and steady,

Put your bayonets at the ready,

We've got a fight ahead of us.

Expect a struggle and screams,

Remember your wildest dreams,

We've got a fight ahead of us.

The men were worried, but didn't falter

The captain climbed onto his steed.

The forward command was given,

For their fates could not be altered.

As they were shot they paid no heed,

To turn back now was forbidden.

The two fronts crashed with a bang,

The men fought brave and strong.

Those whose time it was met their ends.

The Captain's sword swung and rang,

His men thought he could do no wrong

For he sent many enemies to their ends.

And as he did he said:

Clear the way or you will die,

I have not a reason to lie,

My men will fight to the end.

You, sirs, have yourselves to blame

As the field goes up in flames,

These men will fight to the end.

The men slowly came to realize

That their battle had been won.

Not one opposing man stood,

So the men sent out their victory cries.

Soaked in blood and sweat from the sun,

The men rejoiced in the shade of the wood.

But as they partook of the spoils

The men mistook, for the soils

Shook with feet of hundreds of men

Though victory was sweet, twas time to defend.

Through the wood broke an ambush,

The Captain's force was wholly flanked.

A cry of pure violence far-spread.

The Captain yelled, "forward push!"

But his men's minds all went blank

For they knew for sure they were dead.

And the brave Captain said:

All bayonets at the ready,

Keep your head and hearts steady,

Our time is upon us.

Expect harsh pain and screams,

Remember your sweetest dreams,

Our time is upon us.

March with me, you all may die,

I haven't a reason to lie,

Our time is upon us.

Men, I will fight to the end,

But it's not we whom we defend,

Our time is upon us.

Thru-Hike Contemplation

So, due to unforeseen events I care not to speak of, I find myself home from school for an extended period time again. My laptop has committed computer suicide, so gaming and creating music in Finale is out of the question. Also, I already have a job; the wonderful world of Burger King continues. However, I have a new goal... Ever heard of the Appalachian Trail?

Someone I've known my whole memorable life hiked the AT with his dog when he was 22. He has the AT blaze tattooed on his calf to commemorate the thru-hike. Upon hearing about it approximately 7 years ago, after having hiked a portion of the trail in New England for 6 days, I became fascinated with the idea of seeing the rest of the trail. As time progressed, my love for hiking, the eastern US's woods, and the general outdoors increased and I've finally been handed an opportunity to do it. It takes an average of 6 months for a straight up thru-hike of the AT, but it also takes a lot (and I mean a lot) of money.

I've begun the search of a second job seeing as that it would take far too long to save up the proper amount of money working solely at BK, and as of today I've begun searching for sponsorships. I'm, as we speak, applying to be sponsored by Prilosec OTC. It's an online vote based competition. I hope I get as much as I can from outside sources, because I don't see myself doing this if I have to sponsor myself...

The Wonders of Fast Food

If this were a video blog, I'd open this segment with a scene from Good Burger. What a classic!

Anyway, Kenan and Kel aside, I have some stories to tell and some questions to ask:

After half a year of looking for a job, my friend Joe finally got me a job where he works... Burger King. I've only been working there about five weeks now, but boy do you really see the idiots in that line of work. I mean, there must not be any truly intelligent people who actually eat fast food. That would make sense though... I mean, hasn't everyone seen Super Size Me?

Here's a good one. So, I'm usually working the drive-thru (I hate the "thru" rather than "through"...) and if you all can't figure out the simplest, most obvious way of people taking orders at drive-thrus, it's by we who are working wearing what we call at BK a "headset." This headset is similar to those online gamers wear. There's one headphone piece (you choose which ear to wear it on) and a flexible microphone that stems from the earpiece to somewhere near the mouth. The actual headset itself is attached to a battery powered communicator bit attached at the hip by either a clip or a belt-like strap. There are two buttons: A is to speak to the drivers outside at the speaker and B is to speak to other people wearing headsets.
So, as I was saying, I was working the drive-thru at night. It was a stormy night (which may or may not have anything to do with it) and a woman pulls up and my earpiece goes *ding!*
Now, I know the speaker can't possibly be awesome, and maybe the wind and rain makes it that much harder to hear, but after attempting to order for only two people over the span of about six minutes, that woman says to me: "I can't hear you; are you on a cellphone?"
Really? Really?!
Even my senior aged manager goes, "A cellphone? Seriously?"
I just made her pull up and took the order face-to-face. But seriously, how the hell would I use a frickin' cellphone to take your order? Do you think every time someone pulls up to that speaker my cellphone rings and I answer it inside? Really?

Now, what about the people who know exactly what they want, yet can't order it for their life? Simulation:
"Welcome to Burger King, would you like to try a value meal?"
"Uh, yeah, I'd like a small fry and small coke."
That's not what a value meal is... I knew that before I started working there. Why? Because that's explained on the menu which you're right in front of.

Here's another:
"Welcome to BK, would you like to try a value meal?"
"Uh, no thanks, I'd just like a #5 please." (Is the #5 value meal not a value meal?)
"Ok, would you like that small, medium, or large?"
"Uhhhhhhhh... what does that mean?" (What do you think that means? Have you never been asked this question before? Haven't I seen you at this very restaurant before? How is this a hard question?!)
"Would you like the fries and drink to be small, medium, or large?"
"Oh, uh, small."
"And what would you like to drink?"
"Uhhhh... I don't know..." (That's stupid. You came to order food that comes with a drink without knowing what you'd like? And I'm glad everyone looks at the options before they order: for future reference, BK does NOT have root beer!)
"And I'd like to order a chicken nugget Happy Meal" (Well, if you were at McDonald's you could...)
"4 or 6 piece?"
"Uh... 4 I guess?"
"What would you like to drink with that?"
"Uh... chocolate milk."
"Ok. Is that for a boy or a girl?"
"Uhhhh..." (Do you seriously have to think about what gender your child is?!)

I know what you're thinking, "Richard, sometimes the kid's meals are for adults and they don't want a toy." Well, every time that's been the case, they answer right away that it doesn't matter. Maybe you think like my sister and say, "Well, sometimes girls don't want the girls' toy, etc." Well, if that's the case, that's usually a regular thing and you should know that about your own kid by now, right?

Here's another story. A man comes to the front counter and orders a "plain double cheeseburger." Those were his exact words. So, that's what I put in the computer as his order. He gets it, sits down, takes a bite, and comes back up. "This isn't what I ordered." "What did you order?" "A plain double cheeseburger." I open the burger and check it, it is, in fact, a plain double cheeseburger. I say so to him (my temporary manager's right there with me, by the way). He says, "No it's not, it has cheese on it." My manager says, "So you wanted a double cheeseburger without cheese on it?" "Yes." "So you wanted a double hamburger?"
The guy was embarrassed when he realized it, and rightfully so. I know it's not a BK thing or a fastfood thing... I mean, I've never met anyone else who mistook a cheeseburger for a hamburger. Their names do clarify the difference to one who thinks logically after all.

Or the time we ran out of honey mustard and the stoners who ordered Rodeo Cheeseburgers asked for it (I cannot think of why) and then refused to believe me when I said we had none and offered me weed at the drive-thru window for a single thing of honey mustard. Only when I refused that did they think I was telling the truth. Because everyone must want weed and hold honey mustard hostage for it...

I'm sure there were other stories I wanted to tell and other questions I wanted to ask, but I'm watching Mythbusters and their first new episode in weeks is about to air, so I'm fairly distracted. Just enjoy the stupidity of others and be glad you don't have to deal with it daily.
With something to think about, I'm Richard. Have a great day... or not...

The InterTubes!

In one week (next song I gotta do...) my newest video, REM's It's the End of the World as We Know It, has surpassed in view count the first video I posted 4 months ago. Keep the views, comments, ratings, and subscriptions coming!

http://www.youtube.com/user/SupaChard89


Explore my comedy and my music and follow me on YouTube, the place where one sees the best of humanity!

Did I Mention...

Follow me on YouTube as well! It's mostly just ridiculous idiocy, but I'm sure it's quite enjoyable! ;-)

Click the link and be whisked away to a magical land much greater than that of... London...

http://www.youtube.com/user/SupaChard89

An Eventful Day!

First of all, long ass rehearsal today. Tomorrow is the first day of vocal recording too. And that reminds me...

COME SEE FROM MILFORD TO MEXICO, August 13-14 at 8pm and August 15-16 at 2pm. It's a musical we've dubbed "A REAL High School musical!" I play the principal and the bitch plays a very important, lost character. And that seg.ways to.................

Today, the the bitch said something a lot deeper than intended: "There has to be irony in life; otherwise, what's the point?"
The context of the quote is irrelevant, but it's kind of true, is it not? I wouldn't say "what's the point?" per se, but life is definitely inevitably filled with irony. To be redundant: there's no avoiding it. And even if irony was avoidable, would you really want to? Irony is what makes bad things decent and good things funny. If not for irony, there wouldn't be proper drama, houses burning down by stress-relieving candles, or the bitch's favorite show House.

She said that if she were famous that that quote would be put into a book. I agree. And for those of you who can relate or follow me, it'd eventually be one of the Celebrity Zypher things in the "funnies." "Funnies" obviously being an operative word.

I also came on to post a must-see link:
http://current.com/items/89390593_take-on-me-literal-video-version.htm

Once viewed, its necessity becomes clear.

Lastly, I shall leave you with these little tidbits:
1. Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of long words... how insanely cruel!
2. Walloonphobia is the fear of Walloons... an oddly specific fear, because Walloons are the French speaking inhabitants of Belgium!
3. Ephebiphobia is the fear of teenagers... something all elderly people and those who own convenience stores apparently have!
4. Aulophobia is the fear of flutes... The lamest instrument to be afraid of! I also note the lack of fear of any other instruments...
5. Zemmiphobia is the fear of the great mole rat... 'nough said...
6. Pogonophobia is the fear of beards... Look out! It's Santa!

With something to think about, I'm Richard Nickerson.

Medieval Mail

Is it just me, or has anyone noticed that armor simply doesn't appear to have functioned? I mean, in the first 45 minutes of Braveheart, Wallace cuts a man's leg off (which is armored) and buries a sword in a man's stomach (which is armored). I know that's just a movie, and a very gory one at that, but movie or not, that's a ridiculous detail to overlook. If armor didn't work, then why did they wear it? And if armor did work, why hasn't it ever been shown? There's something to think about...